so sad ..

-This is my salvation, this is my love, this is my imagination, this is who I am.-

Hip hip hurray for me, yesterday I started sketching, my fingers did exactly what I asked of them. My dollhouse and I are alone in this world. We are the only real thing I can touch but I fucking can't stop caring about the others. Even though, they don't deserve my sympathy, yet I can't stop my heart to overgrow my dollhouse with loving tissue..

It's difficult to refuse a world in which you breathe, it is difficult to banish people you love. You know they're bad and you know they'll only stabb knives in your back. But still you want to find hope that somewhere, somewhere there is a token of appreciation .. for all the shit you did for them. I tolerated all those filthy tongues, I tolerated all the accusations, I did everything to make it right. But ultimately they're all ungrateful wenches.

And now I sit here just me and my imaginary dollhouse. Rocking in my imagined rocking chair , trying to soothe my mind. To calm myself down and put things in perspective, trying to prevent my fists to hit a wall.

If I could I would, I'd tore every part of me thats broken, so that you could prevail on my dead body. But I won't offer myself to the dirty rats and the ugly vultures of this city. You are ugly and distasteful, the deception transformed them into monsters. It's sad how pretty people can be so ugly, so sad ..