love is like drugs, addictive

I must learn to stand on my own bones, I have to drag this fucked up skeleton all by myself. I am a baby, nobody's baby. No soul crazy enough to do this in my place, doesn't matter how sweetly I blink my eyelashes. The charms are lost and I'm left to the horny vultures of the great city I live in.

I'm trying so hard to explain myself that the time is now, not tomorrow. I must convince myself that I'm much stronger on my own bones. I don't need to change the eternal masochist in me I can let her live a free life, she may suffer, and the sick mind can take the upper hand. As long as I promise myself to not let her take control, it will be just fine.

I don't know what I want and my head keeps spinning like a crazy psychopath. Blood, pain, tears and happiness,

My body, my being, who am I? I'm looking for a goal in my work, in my life. I'm sure it's hiding somewhere between the folds of my brain.

I must learn that being the lonely one could be a blessing. I'm looking for that one guy, who knows he's close or far away. But I don't need that guy, I must learn not to need him. I must learn to love him and leave him for what he is. Bleeding in the streets I'll say goodbye to him, I'll look lovingly over my shoulder for a last look.

I'll tell him with a smile: "I'll see you my love because I love you on the liberating way it was meant to be".

He will know that my hands will be there to stroke his hair, he will know that he still may come and lay his head on my lap. But I am a free bird, and he is too.

I yearn for love, but I will fucking not let myself be mislead by empty brain cells. I want it pure, I want it as a drug, get the stuff up my nose and let it multiply in my body.