would you drink my saliva?

The snow has finally dropped. we drag ourselves out, braving the slippery ice. My room may be called suffocating, my brain is bubbling like boiling water, my tongue hanging out of my mouth and I'm steeped in my own drool. I'm a klutz, I have no idea how to approach this life. I waste my time and stare at my ugly face, I stare at my body that in my opinion looks more like an overflowing garbage bag, I crush my cigarette into a pile of stench, poke myself a few times in my belly. Grateful stinging tears fall from my weary eyes, my tongue still hanging out of my mouth. My dreams are dirtier every night, my bed still empty on the other side. I sell my soul to the devil and embrace the sins chained to 'poor me'.

I wanna be invisible, so I can haunt you in your dreams. Everyone's life is in one way or another hell, everyone has to crawl through the mud. Everyone has bloody knees, broken bones and rotting hearts. There are only a few that have the tongue and the guts to stand up again, to rise again. If they kick, they will kick low but I'll fucking keep standing up. The blood pours from my body, my body is a target of traitors knives. But looking back, I'm grateful for the torture. I think their ain't no better lifelesson to learn, then to keep banging your head against the wall, keep kicking and screaming! I'll never give in, never again I will ..

I sell bullshit, I preach about sex and saliva. I'm a failure, a battered blond girl. I have no sympathy for myself, no more because I know better.I cherish no hatred, I have no resentment, it would only make me more tired. So just so you guys know, your endless whining and prejudices, lies and deception is nothing but an insignificant thing in my life ((Haha but I couldn't resist to write it down).

PS: My writing sucks these days, I need some FUCKING INSPIRATION FAST.