I weep smiling

I can't help myself I can't resist, the tears flow down my cheeks, they are still salty. I feel so useless, I'm so tired of walking alone. My body hurts and the shame dominates my thoughts, I humbly kneel down and put my head between his legs. Hoping his hands will caress my blonde hair. I just close my eyes and hope that one day, he really will be real to me. That the illusion in my head will be clear and not blurred. My reflection is hard and ugly, bleeding I drag myself through life. My reflection is a failure with the incredible talent to hide her heart and never asks for what she craves. I'm not what I seem to be, I'm a big lie. Nobody wants me, it seems to me I'm a damaged piece and just to broken. Spread the news, quickly hurry the dirty tongues and the vultures will be eager to crush me. Oh the sensation .. I'm still on my knees, I'm nothing and I obey those who want to destroy me. I yearn for pain to feel I'm alive, I want to see blood drip on the bathroom floor. I'm afraid of myself in the dark hours. I'm a curse for your ears and a lump in your heart. I feel the constant urge to run away, like I've always done.

In my chest is a gaping wound, a black rotting heart. I can no longer beg, I'm so tired. I'm no longer afraid of my disgusting bones and I'm not afraid of my self-inflicted pain. I tried to kill it, but I remember every second of anything which helped me further into my world of damnation. It's clear to me, good things come for those who wait. But I'm tired, I'm really tired of it all.

I'm so sick of always being trouble, I'm so sick of singing the blues, I'm so sick of being sick.

There are no words to explain why my body repeatedly smacking the ground can't no longer swallow all the dirty fingers. I'm alone and the thought of this reality is frightening, I ask you one last time, lick my tears. If it's not to much trouble .. lick em and take care of poor me. I'll always weep smiling, I'll always be grateful and I'm honestly really happy. But deep inside, there's no lies, deep down, everything is broken.

Go ahead an put me back in my cage.. I said GO AHEAD AND DO IT!