Camden made me cry.

It's ridiculous how often I've cried and found myself screaming to this song, trying to convince myself that you no longer are what I want. Trying to convince myself that you are banished from my mind but I lie to myself, I'm the biggest liar there is. So there I was crying on the toilet, in a pub in Camden the place where you told me you live.

I tried with both hands and both feet to hold on to myself, the devils you've released in my head are unbearable.

All I wanted was to run as fast as I could, and catch that train under water far away from everything that reminds me of you.

You told me I was beatifull but that could be a lie.

I still, every day feel like you have stolen something from me, you've taken something away from me what I cherished. Mean mean man, you've maimed this little blonde girl's heart, all the good I believed in you destroyed.

It frightens me that the gaping wound in my chest controls my life. I'm so naive that I still believe in the goodness in him, I'm so naive that I make up every day one thousands of reasons why. I have to believe everything he said was no lie, I must believe that he spoke the truth otherwise I rather just lay down and die.

Uncertainty hurts and love does'nt exist, but my heart hurts. I'm desperately looking for a ticket out. 'Cause even though I tell myself the lies and I oblige myself to believe them ... as long as he is this silent being in my life I guess I should know better.

I'm being punished.

I MIGHT AS WELL LAY DOWN AND DIE, 'CAUSE I AIN'T LEAVING HERE ALIVE.