happy pills

-I am a fickle creature, but I know what I want. And I won't let myself be te flood of human misery, the lost dreams and abandoned hope. The painful memories and the tears that sting, I don't want to have regrets. I want to open my eyes and be blinded by the sun. I want to swim in the mass grave that I created, without any sense

of compassion. I will always swim against the tide and keep on burning my bridges, and I feel alone in my world. It's the worst kind of loneliness when you know, that you're wearing a mask in order to please others. I yearn for complete freedom, for a world that is mine. I seek the warmth that I never knew, I yearn more each day for what I could never touch.-

Everyone I know tends to go away, and if they don't I'll push them away. I can't deal with human emotion, I don't know what love is 'cause I was never taught. I do feel that I long for something but I can't grasp it. I wanna see my blood on the carpet, I wanna throw my fists into the wall. I want to lay my head on the floor and I wish I could torture this skin body I'm in. I can no longer suppress my sorrow, today is a black day. I don't want you to care anymore, and I don't want you to scrape me off the floor, I don't want kind words, I deserve a slap in the face.

I got nobody to blame but myself, but they are the torment that makes me shiver, I so abhor. The unreliability of man, continued stabbing in my back. I have so many scars, I wonder how it will ever get any better. I feel so different than others, I feel so left out of the world. I feel like a loner, a pathetic loner. All my bridges have collapsed and they we're destroyed by my hands and sharp tongue. My poisoned soul no longer wanted to stay in his cage, he escaped and told the truth and now everything is broken, it's all gone now ...

I'm a damaged girl, I'm not what I should be. The standards of the normal world refuse me. No one will ever know the disease and the deep sadness in me, my black holes that I voluntarily have received with open arms. The eternal sorrow, the eternal drama of the blonde girl with tearful eyes. I'm always the smiling girl who looks sweet, and I will always be, but the pink exterior hides my dark sad inside. It makes me fight with myself every day .. and I'm so tired. I don't know who I am, and I can't remember who I once was. I know tomorrow will be better, but it seems the rain will never stop. The thunder in my head is coming and the storm is only getting worse, there's a tidal wave of blood coming out of my throat, I'll try to concentrate, concentrating to breathe.

Now just give me those happy pills ..