I'm looking for a retard

My hands are colder than my refrigerator and my stomach is overflowing with hot tea and oversized waffles. After each cigarette comes another, and my hands refuse to obey me., I'm empty and ugly. I sit here alone, all alone again. And I don't know how I should feel, I have no idea how I should prepare myself to the rainy friday night, which brings me smokey lungs and sorrow. My tears are sweet, my cheeks are wet and my eyelids are swollen. The endless flow of the crying girl, the silly little girl who is unable to contain herself. The blond girl dances around the room, the blond girl throws herself into a corner and used her head as a hammer to demolish the walls around her.

She's waiting, I'm waiting. I yearn for that one great love that tears you to shreds, a guy who can break my heart tearing it apart with passion. But is there someone who can handle me, is there anyone here as restless like me?

My heart is poisoned, my heart is a rotten place in my body. But I do enjoy that kind of voids, just because. I will open my mouth and eat your heart completely. I give you freely and without guilt a heart that is mine, full of poison, but yet so sweet. Believe me, hold me and trust me. My hard scales are nothing but a shell, inside I'm soft and romantic. I promise I won't hurt you much, I promise not to cut you open completely. I will do my best not to let my teeth carve to deep into your flesh. I promise I will be good if you promise always to love me, love me like an obsession, love me like you do drugs, love me and torture my heart.

Promise me you will one day be real, and I don't have to be brave in this world no longer 'cause you will be there. Promise me that one day I will find someone with a poisoned heart like mine, with a sick mind like mine, lie to me I love believing ...