my ruin will be my salvation

I don't need the pain, I feel no need to beg. I wear my heart with me in a glass box, my disabled heart that was broken a thousand times. My scars are so visible that everyone can see, everyone can see my heart rotting. I don't care what they say, I can't care anymore. I'm alone and I float back and forth, I have no friends I can call my own

Nobody sees the truth and nobody knows how much pain I swallow every day. My wounds gape at me, my soul yearning, my eyes tingle and I would love to jump. My eyes cut open my cheeks with sharp tears, how I would love to give in. In my view, everyone is the biggest asshole, everyone is a liar. No one is honest with me, they lie and deceive me time after time. That makes me so scared, I'm anxious and I can't breathe. It feels like a boulder on my chest, and everybody is staring at me .. no one will help me. They would rather see me suffer than to reach out their hand. The people around me are only needles in my eyes that sting, I'm alone, I'm fucking alone. I'm broken and full of shame left by the hungry vultures of this city. My hands are still cold and my body trembles. If there is a god above, if there is someone I want to know why? Why a little blonde girl deserves so much pain? I keep screaming until my lungs fail, because I want to know why. I want to know why I can always taste but it never is fully mine. Why do I get the eternal torture, why?

I hang my head and I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine, I'll wait patiently and hope every day that there are beings who care about me. It still ain't right to just love me when you can, it will never be ..