sugar laced talking and tea

The craving was too big and my fingers got greedy, my bed was warm and his hands were sweet. Oh dear lord I told myself so many times, no guys, I told myself never to let love crawl down my door, but it was too late. His hungry eyes trapped me. I'm desperately unhappy and incredibly enthusiastic, he's close but far away. He doesn't seem interested in my ugly tongue, he wouldn't or maybe wasn't able to hold my rotting heart. But I feel that I want to eat him, I want to lick his wounds to the bone. I want to hold him and promise him my world will swallow him in the puddles of blood that I've created. I want to wake up and stare at his bloodshot blue eyes, I want to wake up and forget he exists. I wrap myself in the eternal torture, I wrap myself in the damned words he should have never spoken. I want him to turn his back on me, I want him to break my heart. Each toe that he licked I wanna tear of my feet. He makes me crave for more, he makes me giggle, he makes me happy .. but I know that's only temporary and the quiet hours after he left are terrible. The uncertainty in my mind that he has brought is painful, I don't want to be uncertain. I hate being in this state, I hate this so much. But I can't keep my hands to myself and I know I'll lure him to my bed agian and again,.. I want him to tear me apart, I'll voluntarily undergo the torture that he has in store but as long as he keeps running, it remains an unattainable longing and lust for this littke blonde girl.

I lie on the ground and I breathe, I whisper his name and break my fingers. I'm back to wasting all my blood, I'm bleeding to death and there's no salvation anymore... not this time.