when retards are to blame

I can't explain how much it hurts, how my heart can no longer bare this torture. Now I've been crying since yesterday and haven't stopped since, I'm being ignored and my dirty mouth is to blame. I didn't look through my eyes and saw only my inside, for that I'm so sorry. I miss him already, I miss his presence. I'll try to wait patiently waking up everyday hoping he still cares. I refuse letting this go, have you ever had the feeliing that something so wrong and out of place seems to be so right? I'm so scared I've ruined everything by my own stupidity. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think and all I wanna do is lie on the cold floor and let go of everything that makes this body breathe. He haunts my mind, there's no second that I don't think about him. I'm on my knees, hoping that he will forgive me, hoping he'll see how much I care but silence speaks louder than words and I'm afraid that he doens't want me anymore. I'm honest and I need you, I'm honest and I'm alone. I can choose any other, but you're the only one I want.

I don't know maybe he wants me to give up on him, maybe I should .. it pains me, it makes me cry. I'm afraid I don't want to, I don't want to give up on him.

I've seen better days, but I got to believe he'll be back, I got to believe he'll see that I spat out the words I never wanted to say. I have to believe he knows that this girl has been refusing every lover on her path until the day she met him, he has to .. he just has to ...

And if he doesn't then scrape me off the floor because my sad heart can't do this anymore, ...