he should be ..

I have a whole calendar full of things to do, and I always succeed in doing nothing. I'm sometimes a really incredible sloth. But my head is so full of nonsensical pink bubbles. I don't know, I can't explain. It fulfills my wildest dreams but it's so shaky. It is important, but maybe not. Lately I've pushed people away, I fought and eyes got gouged out. But I'm stubborn and will enjoy the solitude, silence is your punishment a sweet smile is my revenge. My friends are who they are and I know they will not fade under my flow of revulsion, I am a difficult creature but I know that if they like me for who I am, that it will be okay. But it must be okay, I've put my hands so often in the fire for the salvation of others. Maybe it's my turn now, to be cared for and loved.

He's so adorable, he's so far away, he lives only in my mind and I'm going to blush.

Someday I'll stroke his hair ... maybe. I look with longing eyes at the sight of the imagination that is in my head. I know what I want, I know what I need but I wonder where he's hiding?

I looked under the bed, I stood in a mass of people. I looked up and I was already bleeding and totally neglected, I searched for his face. I seek him still.., he should lick my wounds. He needs to carry me and help me dodge my blood puddles, he would have to torture me with joy. He would have to be everything I ever wanted and ... more.

And he should joing me tonight, watching some horny music and getting drunk at Monster Magnet.

He should be ...