I'm stupid

I'm a mess, I'm not sure if I should first breathe or think, I can't remember if I should eat or drink. I'm a heap of misery that clings to things that seem to be invisible. My thoughts scares me and I look at myself with the critical eye that I inherited from my grandmother. I'm a loser, an outcast in this life I call my own.

I sit here staring out of my window, I sit here like a trapped animal consuming, destroying myself. Where is the energy that I often have to suppress, where am I? After the endless stream of three long nights filled with nightmares, I'm tired and I want something, I wished for something that I can't speak about.

My brain is bubbling with concoctions that indicate the craving. I'm a dreamer and when I close my eyes everything is perfect, when I close my eyes the blood flows my love. Deep inside my dark mind everything is all so beautiful, in my dreams I'll slurp all the pain. I don't mind to wear what is not mine, come on over here I want to help. I want to console you, just lay your head on my lap and I'll stroke your hair.

I will never heal your wounds I'll only lick them, I won't stop the bleeding but I promise I'll make it more beautiful then it ever was. I couldn't care less how ugly you are, 'cause with blind eyes I will look at you. I will not judge the victim of life, I will never judge that which has touched me deeply.

I'm ugly, and just like the other broken hearts in this world I will remain ugly. I'm talking to myself, I'm talking to a void that is empty.

I feel so ugly today, I feel like a piece of garbage.