I think I have to vomit, all over your fancy suit.

-I'm the fucking queen of all the weepers,

suck it bitch or leave me the fuck alone.-

Recent weeks have been a fuzzy, nasty stain on my brain. I try to drink away my sorrow, I emptied every glass and popped all the pills. I don't think there's a cure for the pain I've been undergoing the last year.

Sometimes I feel nothin', sometimes I feel everything at once. Some days feel like a thousand knives piercing my body, as if my heart was ripped out of my chest but most days are a routine of pain, a pain that is a habit. My scars itch and the new ones hurt 'cause healing is difficult in a period of inflammation.

People are strange creatures, they crawl under my skin and they tear me apart.

Recently my eyes are full of disappointment. All my friends are dead, it seems that the scene has drowned in a sea of uniforms, freaks in uniforms to me ...

When I grow up (if that day ever comes) I don't want to be like them, I refuse to ever lose my passion and desire for this life. People ask me why my tongue has become so sharp, why I feel the need to bark the way I do. I think they are afraid of the truth I'm spittin' there way.

You should all take a good look at the reflection lookin' back at you, gossip, prejudice, lies and deceit is all you seem to care for. You aren't humans to me but beasts waiting for a poor defenseless victim to slaughter.

The sharp teeth touched me deeply, but a few scars more or less ... who gives a damn.

After much doubt, I took his record and broke it ( don't get me wrong I love his band, I just hate what he did to me). I broke it like he has broken the last part of my body that believed in love. 'Cause of his dirty fingers, I loathe myself. Why would he put me in this state of mind, he's not a man he's a coward. I'm in the stage of anger, I want you to feel my pain. I hope you drown in your lies that you dressed up so pretty, I'm honest you've hurt my pride. This was a slap in the face I can't erase, it's just not okay.

Misery that is all you've given me ...

This is a tribute to the man who in my eyes just saw me as piece of entertainment, as a little blonde clown, I gave in to all his desires, and then I was left waiting. Waiting as a silly girl, being ignored but still hoping... But I've started bleeding, it started to hurt ... all I wanted was to bleed you're way.

I cry, I'm a weeper ... but I won't let the bastard get me down. I have to stand up and fight.

And if he ever has the guts to cross my path again my nails will be scraping the skin of his chest. And then I'll tear out his heart and eat it. Greedy, hurt and tough as I am.

SHIT

So hello,

Haven't been here for some time ( wellll in my eyes), I just haven't been able to get the right words to flow from my fingers. Slowly but surely I'm standing up, this time on my own.

The amount of pain I had and still have to swallow compensates the endless pills I pop, my eyes are tired and my energy is gone. He has released something in me, somehow I seem tougher.

Intentionally, I spat on most people around me, I deliberately removed them from my life.

I have stripped myself of everything that made me suffer, no tears and no regrets. So teh attitude of the week, if he chooses not to be part of my world thats his mistake, I'll be all that he will never have.

I waited anxiously, like a stupid girl wobbling on her chair I waited. I do regret all the time I've wasted on you ..

I regret knowing you, 'cause after all .. you are nothing BUT A FUCKING LIAR, WITH A STRAIGHT FACE YOU TOLD ME HOW MUCH YOU LIKED ME, YOU SAID I'LL SPEAK TO YOU EVERYDAY BLABLABBLAAA ... YOU ARE SUCK A FUCKING LIAAAAAR, YOU AS DUMB AS YOU'RE DICK, YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME ANYMORE, I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH FOR MESSING ME UP LIKE THIS, I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE AN UGLY STUPID DUMBASS SLUT, I HATE YOU FOR TREATING ME THE WAY YOU DID, IF I FUCKING COULD IF I JUST COULD I WOULD FUCKING STRANGLE YOU, I HATE WHAT YOU DID TO ME, YOU BROKE THE LAST PIECE OF ME THAT BELIEVED IN LOVE, YOU BROKE IT, 'CAUSE OF YOU MY BED SMELLS LIKE DEATH.

WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME, JUST BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE AND ASSHOLE AND I CALLED YOU ONE.

FUCKING COWARD ....

So okay this wasn't what I planned to write down but it happend .... I don't know what to write or how to write it anymore.

Sorry.

Grrrnjbsjflkjshlfhlhfoerhhgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'm lost and I found my way down

All day I lie on the cold floor, my eyes staring at the wall, my clothes drenched in blood this time from freshly milked from my own veins. My imagination is my rescue and I prefer my floating lifeless world above reality. I seem to be this unstable girl, an unstable girl who craves him. He who tore her into a thousand pieces, he who is unaware of the damage he has created. He opened doors in my mind that only lead to the damnation of my existence, he triggerd things I never wanted to feel ever again. I slowly slip away in my endless narcotic state of mind, I need all the things I never wanted to need ever again.

I no longer believe in love, love is dead. My heart is a redundant organ, a burden I must carry through this life.

I wonder if he ever cared about me at all, I wonder if his words ever have contained some kind of truth.

I know one thing for shure, I'm sick of being played and lied to, so this is my goodbye.

Love is a rejection that I can no longer swallow, he's the only salvation I will accept.

these evil things

you think that you want it are you so sure

This aint no game were playing truly were pure

Your laughing but your lieing you don’t understand

I hold the demons back your life’s in my hands

I carry the word sometimes

wrapped in my pretty tunes

Sometimes the chosen hear

and they know just what to do

You must be like us

to penetrate this room

I cant see why you don’t understand

I hold your life in the palm of my hand

These evil things I struggle to control

Are from the darkest place in my soul

My kin are all around

they cover you like pearls

Speak to me my demons bright

my hell spawned boys and girls

They’ll seek you out my friend

and keep you from our world

I beg you please leave this thing alone

What you think is happening is to far from home

don’t wake the demons I try to hide

Just take the other path and leave us out side

The meteors- these evil things, This song, I play it all day long.

This is all I have to say.

I guess you could say I'm happy, just happy

Goodmorning to you! from Betty-Sue Depreitere on Vimeo.

-This is me in the early morning being happy, dancing through my little house-

After 3 hours of sleep after a night of laughter. It hurts in the morning but it was worth it! Hey, I'm talking about my feet (Bllggrhgrh my shoes), I'm blessed after the bingin' my hangover didn't seem to come banging on my head! I have an empty mouth, it was a memorable evening. Although I didn't get what my heart desired, even though my heart is sick from being broken. I refuse to hang my head for blind eyes, I'll just put on my nose and I'll parade. But still .. I woke up in my bed alone, in a rush of wild dreams and desires. Full of questions, my empty mouth is full of questions. Why do little blonde retarted girls never get what they want? I promise I'll be sweet if you'd just give me my ways.. I promise I'll be on my worst behavior if you walk my road. My winding road, my road full of crocodiles oh how I love my road.. I hop through life empty-handed but still that doesn't bring me down.

-the morning after is always worth taking a picture, sleepy eyes!-

I'll never regret staying awake, I'll never regret any mistake I make but I do regret not having him who says he has a crocodile tongue around, I do regret not knowing what that could have been. Thats the first and last regret of the the year 2011 and I'll carry it with me like a ball and chain 'cause I know he ain't just a guy... he's something I'll crave for when I'm hunrgy. I'll keep wanting to bleed his way, I'll keep pushing all the others away just for him. I love my life and everything in it, and this makes me sad but I'll keep smiling untill I'm dead.

I'm a girl, I'm a blonde girl, I'm a blonde retarted girl, I'm a little blonde retarted girl and I'll always will be, for the clown in me never ever sleeps.