girls time for myself

- Do you know her?, her yearning for you will be the death of her.-

too many sweet cakes in my head, sow today just gonna act normal and smoke normal. soon i'm going to do a little swimming in the bath and then i'll be ready for an spirit enriching day.

pff I still think of you, dad mailed me yesterday that he had a crocodile skull for me. I think it will take a long time before the storm in my head drops, you'll just have to stick to the mast I guess. I still have much to spit out, you forgot what this girl is like and that will now break up very sour for you.

I have to start concentrating more on my art, I'm going buy a new 'logbook' later this afternoon. I'm feeling it and it feels gooooooood.

way high up

-When I woke up friday morning, I was still high from thursday evening.. retards like me on drugs are even more retarded.-

you carried yourself like a true junkie,

I'm not sure what to make of this vision
should I be fearful of the sun going down?
should I be working toward a revision?
or just be happy we are beautiful now

I'll take a trip to Observe us as children

take note of what makes us laugh and cry
I'll ask the teachers for your permanent Record
If there's a Reason I will know why

Asking the dead, won't supply you the reason
you'll be just as confused by the past
I'll visit you at the end of the season
I'll watch you're eyes, as you breathing your last

Is it you ?

sexy clown

"Hey dickhead, you ain't gettin' no lapdance from me!"

I am somewhere very far away, not really far from here, but not here. I hover somewhere between hatred love, the urge to want you and the horror .

I'm standing with my feet on the ceiling, and I wonder when will I explode? and who will then clean up that mess? who will clean up all those broken love stories now obviously leaking, even worse then my fridge.

- when I'm high up, I won't come down for a while. It gets me on my knees and makes me smile.-

handling that pole

The dance class yesterday was really fun, for the first time I'm really amused. I also learned three new things, to the annoyance of my legs but the bruises, abrasions, and bloody blisters do not outweigh the fun.
I've discovered that I really am the only one of my kind, and it will take a long time before I come across someone who can handle me. sorry that the only one who can meet that standard is not around. This night for the first time in two weeks I didn't had a nightmare. when I woke up this morning I was very satisfied. Haha, I was just thinking why do I put all this shit here anyway. But I know that even though probably nobody reads my blog, when it's out of my system it's out and that feels fucking good.

and for the last fucking time I have not lied to you, but I found out that in this rotten world you have to do it on your own and those at the end of your path through life are still standing besides you, those are the ones who are true and real.

ps: I hate you, I miss you

exaggerate

PIGBAG from Betty-Sue Depreitere on Vimeo.

A break, too long a break as usual.

But here is what I found on my hard drive. No wonder I got so few points for video. The title is an insult towards the teacher and the movie itself honestly sucks. But video is not my strength at school and my grandfather always told me: 'know your weaknesses. So things are not so bad, I'd say to you all waste 5 minutes of your life and take a look at it.

bellyache

How can I be so blind and so in love with something so rotten? I party hard, I drink a lot, I sleep a lot, make guys go crazy, but every time I fall harder on the ground. And the hardest part is to lose friends, losing my selfcontrole, losing who I am.

I try not to drown in my own madness but I fear it is too late for my salvation. Every part of me that wants to get back up, is supplanted by the endless stream of tears. My heart is heavy and cold, how can someone like me fall so deep. I wish I could amputate any part of myself, I would start with my tongue, then my lips, then my eyes, than my ears. so I couldn't speak no more, can't kiss nobody, not seeing the painful words you write, then I wouldn't have to hear what you have to say.

-Give me the knife and I devour myself before your eyes.-

sick bubblegum

Hello morning,

This morning I found that the right side of my hair is 4 cm shorter than the other. Hair breakage is not fun, so tomorrow on the road for the quest for the whole sheet of shampoo and shit. Ah well lucky for me I'm always smiling. So once again with I'm gonna snort some education, put my nose down those books and snort like I never did before. but first I'm going to search for some breakfast, wish me luck.

-Crazy dad, I got in the car look behind me and was like ehm ow okay ... FUN!-

pretty pretty

I've found a lot of documentation today, I urgently need a new sketchbook.

silence is never golden

I'm sick and tired of everything around me, I got so many people stabbing knives in my back.

-I will no longer be silent.-

who do you think you are

that you have the courage to treat me like the bitch in this story, is simply ridiculous. it just shows that I'm right., the things that you think that I come up with in my head teh way you are acting just shows that these are not just my sight on the situation. You're in panic, and rightly so. I hope you get sick the next few days of uncertainty, that the coming months you still feel the guilt.

I got so much on my mind, trouble is on it's way. I was getting back on my feet, but now life is all disappointments and regrets.

-bittersweet-

Dude, Crocodile pff I fucking like you.

Manu and Jelke the wedding, the drunk part

- Dad, falling down fighting Jesse.-

-Manu crowdsurfing the wel ehm... crowd.-

-Never seen so much free drinks in my life( there was like sooo much more then on the pic).-

-I love you, you are my hero most of the time.-

Manu and Jelke married yesterday. I had the honor to take wedding pictures. The day went perfectly, and the evening party was wonderfull too. Good food, DELICIOS DESSERTS but at the end of the evening I had a quarrel with my father for reasons I can not explain. We drove home and once we came home, we suddenly had decided to go to the afterparty. It was very nice, very wild and mostly just perfect.

sleep is the enemy

I'm at my parents place, I love being here sometimes. Just acting like a total retard with my babybrothers, fighting with my sister, clean out the fridge..

But unfortunately I can not sleep. The things I do on a whim they are not always smart, but they are mine. The question of the day: do you do this because you genuinely care about me or to save your own skin? How can people fall in love, when all that love does is hurt, and destroy every little piece of self-confidence? How is it, that we are such retards, falling in love time after time with the wrong people?

the funny thing is that I want what I can't get and the ones who want me won't get me because I'm longing for the thing I can't get.

Life is really so fucking dissapointing, EVERYBODY LIES EVERYBODY HURTS.

keeping busy

Today I made a new shirt, from one of my favorite bands.

tequila-head

My suspicions were correct, some joints and tequila shots later. It was quite fun, and we left for home very late. I overslept and my head is still full of tequila.

And when I woke up, I saw I had two text messages from you. Hmm I wonder are you really that stupid? I might be blonde, but I do understand your intentions and believe me boy you can scream as loud as you want that I'm wrong. But I think you have a whorish mouth full of lies.

sneaky preview

Completely affected by the scenes of the dancer from banane metalik.

PS: Today I am in a very bad mood, I don't know why or how. I think it's because I finally had the nerve to kick you out of my life. It felt like shit, but hey someone had to do it I guess. So the plan for the rest of the evening: we're going to go outside for some fresh air aka GO OUT AND GET DRUNK.

amputate my toes with a dull knife, thats how being friends with you feels like.

I'm so sorry I had to delete you, but every time you talked to me on the chat, I began to weep. Every time you just said nothing, not interested in me or what I do, or the stiff conversations without beginning or end. Each time it did hurt, you really don't have a clue just how much I like you.

I hate crocodiles because you lie and treat me like I was a big mistake. and now I pretend I am a friend of yours. But I can no longer, I got much pain, I feel so empty, I feel really alone, I miss talking to you, I miss the spontaneous visit, I miss watching movies, I just miss it all. I'm really just a little girl, and the things you did/ do really hurt a lot and you not being like it was before hurts everyday. I'm really in love, the more I forget you the more it hurts.
I thought you were really an honest man, but you are a fake and you lie.
You want to stay friends so I keep my mouth and that is clear to me now.

I'm really in love and I am sincere in everything I say or do, it breaks me I can not say that of you.

-Mister Crocodile, You swam away with my heart, You may devour I do not want it back.-

horny new band

went to a festival yesterday, I think it was called Power festival. It was worth repeating, unfortunately Mad Sin canceled but Banane Metalik made it all okay.

horny new band that certainly will be on the "i like" list from now

-horny new band that certainly will be on the "i like" list from now-

I painted my nails red

Goodmorning,

Today I painted my nails red. No idea why I love this kind of trivia but everything is more fun than studying. I can honestly say it's partly my own fault. But much is their fault, they have managed to reverse my life in the bad sense.I hate crocodiles, I hate men, I hate boys, I hate girls, I hate my books, I hate myself, I just hate all the time.

I think I need to learn how to shut the fuck up.

if that's how it's gonna be

wake me up wake me up
pump me full of meds
don't let me drink from that cup
slide a little pill down my throat
i'll try to keep it down
or pull my plug and don't be frightened by the sound

how I love to be devoured by you

I met a guy last weekend. I think he's okay, but you stupid crocodile, you monitor my heart. Being in love with you is like falling down stairs, it hurts, I'd rather not do it but I'm too clumsy. You've got me between your teeth, and I let you devouring me again and again.

-how I love to be devoured by you-

reading is very important

New books on my have to buy list:

The Enormous Crocodile.

Freaks: we who are not as others.

Everything you know about god is wrong.